Recently, I attended a get-together with some friends and acquaintances. The conversation drifted to friendships specifically, those we don’t talk to often but can always pick up with as if no time had passed. I nodded along; I have those friends too. We may not talk regularly, but there’s still fondness, even if they’re not in my inner circle.
But then someone said something that stuck with me.
She casually shared how a friend hadn’t contacted her in two years, then suddenly called. This person told her she had ghosted her because she was upset. She laughed and said she hadn’t even noticed the absence. Others laughed with her, I didn’t. How could I? I felt uncomfortable and I felt sad that this is how others react to this kind of dismissive behavior.
How we view Friendship Reflects Our Emotional Values
That moment reminded me of how differently people view friendship. To me, friendship is sacred. It’s not just casual texts and shared brunches. It’s the people you laugh with, cry with, and trust with your inner world.
Some friendships are seasonal or circumstantial and that’s okay. But those we call “friend” should be people we cherish; people we make space for. Not out of obligation, but out of value and respect.
When we treat friendship as dispensable or transactional, we risk missing out on one of the most essential aspects of mental and emotional health: connection.
Mental Health And The Power of A Support System
In my work as a mental health professional, I often ask patients, “Who is your support system?” The answer is rarely “no one.” More often, it’s a friend.
Friends can be a lifeline in the darkest moments. Whether it’s grief, depression, anxiety, or a tough season in life, a true friend’s check-in can make the difference between sinking and staying afloat.
Studies even show that strong social connections:
- Reduce the risk of depression and anxiety
- Improve self-esteem and resilience
- Lead to longer life expectancy
- Support recovery in mental health treatment
When we’re intentional in our friendships, we’re actually building a network of emotional safety and that is vital for mental well-being.
Intentionality Is Not About Time, It’s about Effort
“One of the excuses that frustrates me most is, ‘I’m busy.” Because, we’re all busy. Work, kids, partners, aging parents, self-care routines, the list never ends. BUt we are the ones who decide how we spend our time, so when you are “too busy” for a friend, what you are really doing is showing is how important they are in your life. Now I am not saying you must stop and give them your undevided attention at any given time. Intentionality doesn’t mean hours on the phone. Sometimes, it’s a quick “Hey, just thinking about you” text. A meme sent with love. A simple “How are you?” with genuine interest.
You don’t have to pour from an empty cup but when you have something to give, give it freely to the people who’ve shown up for you. Don’t be the friedn that takes but doesn’t give. It’s disheartening when you realize you are more of a friend to a certain person than they are to you.
Ghosting, Comunication And The Importance of Clarity
Modern culture has normalized ghosting which is disappearing without explanation. While this might be common in dating, it’s spilling over into friendships too. Some families have even been impacted by this behavior
The reality is, if someone can go two years without speaking to you and neither of you notices… were you really friends?
Sometimes silence is self-preservation, and boundaries are healthy. But if a falling-out happens or life simply pulls us apart, say something. Silence, when unexplained, can lead to confusion, sadness, and self-blame on the receiving end. Speaking from personal experience, it is heartbreaking.
Honor the Title of “Friend”
Not everyone we meet deserves the label of “friend.” And that’s okay. There’s beauty in acquaintances, mentors, colleagues, and companions. But when we call someone a friend, let’s make that word count.
Let’s make them count.
A Gentle Mental Health Challenge
This week, I encourage you to:
- Reach out to one friend you’ve been thinking about
- Reflect on who your true support system is
- Ask yourself: Am I being intentional in my friendships?
- Consider journaling how your friendships affect your mental health
Final Thoughts: Friendships Deserve More Than Convenience
Life is short, and our emotional energy is sacred. Let’s not waste it on people who treat connection as a convenience. And let’s be brave enough to show up imperfectly, occasionally, but intentionally for those who matter.
Your friendships can be a form of self-care, and how you care for others can reflect the care you offer yourself.
Be the friend you wish you had.
For more insight read:
Mayo Clinic: Social support — Why it matters
Use when referencing the importance of a support system for mental well-being.Harvard Health: The Health Benefits of Strong Relationships
Great to include when you mention studies showing emotional and physical benefits of friendships.Psychology Today: Why Ghosting Hurts So Much
Use this when discussing ghosting and its emotional toll.Verywell Mind: What It Really Means to Be “Ghosted”
Supports your point about the emotional impact of non-communication.
