The Decision No One Talks About Until It’s The Only Way Out
After 25 years of marriage I finally walked out and have had enough. It’s so hard to put into words what this feels like. It is so new to have taken the step to move forward with my life. If I am being honest, I am feeling a variety of emotions. It is bittersweet. As a Christian woman this has been a difficult journey. The bible teaches that there are only a few exceptions for divorce. Culturally this is a topic that may have conflicting views depending in the country or culture. Statistically, divorce is now higher than ever. Many people may question why this phenomenon. Is it really a phenomenon? Or can it be that woman are now allowed to make choices for themselves and are capable of being independent?
History of Legalizing Divorces
Historically it wasn’t until 1937 that the Matrimonial Causes Act passed. Giving woman the same rights that men had to petition for a divorce. Prior to that woman were considered property. We learn about this in the book “The Woman They could not Silence” which speaks of Elizabeth Packard who lobbied for the “act for the protection of liberty” after she was committed to an asylum for asking for a divorce. Even more than a century later women still weren’t allowed to open a bank account without her husbands signature. In 1960s woman were granted permission but banks did not comply until the 80s. Still today woman under the age of 18 cannot petition for a divorce but can be married off by their parents. Just some interesting facts.
Life altering decisions
I’ll be the first to say it, divorce is never easy, and it should never be taken lightly. It’s a decision that leaves scars on everyone involved: the children, the spouse, and especially the one who finally says, “I can’t do this anymore.” No one walks down the aisle expecting it to end like this. We marry with stars in our eyes, love in our hearts, and for many vows made before God, believing that what we’re building is forever. So when that foundation begins to crack, when love turns cold, or worse when betrayal poisons what was sacred the heartbreak runs deeper than words can explain.
It’s not just the loss of a partner. It’s the death of shared dreams, the quiet unraveling of trust, the ache of sleeping next to someone who no longer sees you. It’s crying in silence while pretending everything’s fine. It’s doubting your own worth because someone you gave everything to didn’t protect your heart. And when betrayal enters the picture whether through lies, neglect, emotional distance, or infidelity it doesn’t just hurt. It shatters something inside you. Something you once believed was unbreakable.
By the time divorce becomes a real consideration, love has usually been replaced by a heavy grief. A grief for what was, and for what will never be. Choosing to walk away isn’t about giving up, it’s about finally choosing yourself after being forgotten for too long.
When do you say “I’m done”
Once you recognize something is broken in the marriage, what do you do? Do you run, or do you stay and fight for it? And how long is long enough? How many times do you whisper, “I did my best, but I can’t do this anymore” before you finally believe it?
People often accept adultery or physical abuse as valid reasons to leave a marriage. But what about emotional and psychological abuse the silent kind that doesn’t leave bruises, but slowly erodes your spirit? That kind can tear you down just as deeply, sometimes more.
Holding a family together alone is one of the most exhausting, soul-draining things a person can do. As women, we naturally think of the children first. We put our happiness on pause for theirs. We sacrifice without hesitation. But are they witnessing love, or just endurance? Are they seeing respect—or just a parent worn thin? And if they’re only seeing the sacrifice, is that truly what we want them to learn about love?
During our 25 years of marriage, we tried everything. We did counseling, marriage retreats, biblical studies, prayer. This wasn’t an impulsive decision. I gave it my all! I fought with everything in me, I prayed, I cried, I pleaded with God.
And then one day, I realized I was fading. Not just tired but I was emotionally empty. I had nothing left to give. My final prayer was quiet, trembling, and full of heartbreak: “Lord, I’m sorry—I just can’t do it anymore.” Because I truly couldn’t.
The Betrayal
The hardest part for me wasn’t just the ending, it was the truth of how it all began. I got married at 17, barely out of childhood, at a time when my brain hadn’t even fully developed, let alone my understanding of what a lifelong commitment really meant. Looking back, I can admit I had no business getting married at that age. But still, we made it longer than anyone expected us to. That should’ve counted for something. I gave it everything I had my heart, my loyalty, my youth. I gave him the best years of my life. A time when I was transitioning from a child to a woman, a time when I was learning who I was. I was blossoming yet he tried to dim my light so many times. He mistook my growth for rebellion and tried to quiet what made me bloom. And if that wasn’t enough, he didn’t just criticize me behind closed doors, he tried to shape how others saw me, too. But I held on to the truth of who I was. I was a child of God and I held tight to that truth.
What breaks me the most is knowing I placed my life, my safety, and my heart in the hands of a man who didn’t know how to protect them. I trusted him with the most fragile parts of me, believing he would cherish what I offered. Instead, I was handed disappointment after disappointment. I became the glue holding everything together, the household, the emotions, the finances, the dreams. I carried it all while silently breaking under the weight. If I paused, everything would collapse. There was no space for me to be tired, to be held, or to fall apart. I was strong because I had to be not because I wanted to.
And the deepest betrayal? It wasn’t just that I was mistreated. It was realizing that the very person who was supposed to love me and protect me was the same person I needed protection from. That was my deepest form of betrayal. That kind of betrayal doesn’t just hurt, it rewires your understanding of love, safety, and self-worth. It leaves you questioning whether anyone will ever hold you the way you’ve held everyone else.
The End
IIn the end, we may all have different opinions on when divorce becomes the right choice. Each of us walks through life with unique experiences, some beautiful, some painful. And while making life-altering decisions is never easy, we have to remember just how short and precious life truly is. The people we allow into our lives, especially those closest to us, shape our peace, our energy, and our joy.
No one expects to be happy every single day. No one expects a perfect marriage. But we should expect to feel safe, respected, and joyful most of the time, especially with the person we vowed to build a life with. When that person begins to rob you of your peace, your worth, and your happiness, they forfeit the privilege of walking beside you.
Moving on isn’t easy. It takes strength, courage, and often a breaking point. But sometimes, it’s the bravest and best decision you can make, not just for yourself, but for your children too. Because they deserve to see what love really looks like, including the love you finally give to yourself.
